Marriage to Divorce in seconds

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Me and my husband dated for 4 years and after getting married, we lasted only 5 months of marriage. We are in the process of getting a divorce. What happened and how do I prevent this in the future?

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Hi Miss Calculated

Your question is great and although this is not a situation that crosses many paths, I could feel your frustration in my heart and I just had to answer your question. And boy, do I have an answer!!!!!!!

So the word to memorize in this situation is ‘BORING’! And in relationships, boring pops up 2 times!

Before the wedding . . . Then it is crucial and VERY important and it may save a marriage

After the wedding . . . Then it can demolish whatever you had going on!

Before the wedding:

When you meet your future husband/wife, there are many firsts … first date, first kiss, meeting the parent, meeting the friends, getting to know each other, holidays, jobs etc. We all let things settle down before we get married, yup, like, you both make sure you have a steady job and a place to stay and transport is sorted, and then you get married. You are busy with wedding and honeymoon arrangements. And after the honeymoon-hangover has passed…..you’re back and …

…. BooooooRING!!

I always compare this to a beauty queen. In her reigning year, she is the glits and glamour of the industry, then she hands her crown over to her successor and BOOM, she goes back to just being a woman!

So it is crucial to have the Boring-phase BEFORE the wedding!

See, that moment you sit in front of the TV on a Saturday night, watching re-runs of some oorgeklankte Chinese cooking show, totally bored and nothing to do and you STILL feel like you want to be nowhere else but there, next to your partner – THEN YOU ARE READY TO GET MARRIED!

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The golden rule is : Never get married until you are happily bored together!!

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Never let the illusion of being married, peer pressure, age or anything else, blind you. Don’t mess up your greatest years for a title!

Also, don’t take pre-marital courses lightly. There are crucial conversation and know-hows that can save your relationship or marriage BEFORE you hit the turbulence. You need to plan your marriage, before you plan your wedding.

After the wedding:

You might have heard this before, but marriage is hard work. It requires stepping up and also stepping down – sometimes at the same time, and this can be tricky. Even a healthy plant can’t grow if you don’t water it. You are welcome to check my shop for activities and ideas to spark up the fire again.

Great communication and being best friends (start by doing fun things together), will save any marriage that is going downhill.

If you want to be happy again – go back and live like you did the last time you were happy. This would also mean that you have to treat you partner the way you did, when you made them happy.

So I am truly sorry that things didn’t work out for you, and still praying that a miracle will cross your path and you will reunite in the most significant way. If not, I believe that you have learned this crucial lesson and the future will be filled with happiness.

May you have loads of success in your future choices!

Love

Kiki

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Date : 12 Sep 2018