What to do when he comes in late

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Every night I find myself alone in bed because my husband is out again! Sometimes I can smell he had been drinking, other times I smell cigars. This might sound weird, but those nights he comes back, not smelling like anything, those are the nights I replay in my mind: “Where was he?”

How do I get him to stay at home?

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Hi Miss Empty-Pillow-Syndrome

I get you! You know when he is out smelling like alcohol, he was most probably in public and out with friends, but if there is no smell – you smell trouble… And you have the right to feel that way, I think all of us ladies would be worried.

And let me guess – you start thinking he is avoiding you, he is having an affair, he is an alcoholic. You might be right – but just being right, will not fix this situation.

Now let me take out my nails and attack you before we go on?

What kind of a woman are you at home? Are you fun to be with? Do you laugh with him? Do you initiate conversations about anything other than work or kids? Do you look after yourself? Are you worth coming home to?

If you answered yes to those questions above – we have another bull to face here and you might have to dig into my other AskKiki Questions.

But my guess is, that you are going to answer – I try to, BUT…

…but he is never home

…but he is not listening

…but he, but he, but he

You don’t stop teaching your kids about life, just because they are not listening – you won’t give up on your kids, so why would you give up on your husband?

Here is a piece of information that might change your entire look on life:

Men don’t run TO something – they run AWAY FROM something

I have a feeling that you don’t see your husband a lot, but when you see him, that moment turns in a scrambled diary, packed with all the household tasks, financial crises, weekly plannings, and fights about him running away from it all.

He is doing exactly that – he is running away from the responsibilities at home to places that are safe, non-obligatory escape time-machines, where he can have peace of mind.

You can never change him, to stay at home, NEVER!

You can change you, so he would WANT TO stay at home!

This is what you do…

Stop sharing responsibilities, tasks and ideas that will need effort (watch my blog post here to see how to share this information). Keep everything light-hearted and fun. Get some fun activities in my shop here. Make coming home a safe haven, filled with love and laughter. Get him a beer when he comes home, so he doesn’t have to go out to get one.

You: “You want me to cater to his needs? Be the underdog and put me second?

Kiki: “Yes.”

Now you want to know why? Relationships are not EVERYONE FOR THEMSELVES. Relationships are teamwork and when one partner is going off track, you have to give more of yourself and vice versa. Think of it as an investment – the more of your own time and effort you invest, the better your return on investment will be. You have to give him some bait, so you can lure him in and then work on healthy boundaries. (see what we did there – Play on their team and then knock them with a broomstick.) One thing is for sure – you cannot set boundaries when someone is not even in your territory. You’ll be fencing them out.

This might take some time, so have patience and don’t give up.

Most important – don’t ever stop praying for your husband! God can make unbelievable shifts on your behalf. He’s got your back and He will carry you and your husband to a place of safety if you just BELIEVE!

This would be the best time to set up a War Room at home – If you don’t know what it is – Check out this incredible movie that will change your life forever!

War Room – by the Kendrick Brothers

We, women, we are strong, that’s why we got picked to be the child-bearers! The enemy wants to attack your husband, because that knocks down his wife and kids. If the enemy cannot take you down with one blow, he will try to take you down, bit by bit until you are run down and become too tired to fight.

Get up sista – this fight is just beginning! Stand up, stand tall and fight for your man!

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The golden rule is : Men don’t run to something – they run from something!

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Love

Kiki

Class Activities

Date : 14 Feb 2019