A letter of Apology to a Betrayed Spouse

If there’s one thing a man or woman can’t stand when they honour a commitment, it is cheating. It is an ugly indulgence that a lot of people give in to, and one that is usually swept under the rug or carefully hidden from unsuspecting (or suspecting) partners.

If you’ve cheated on your partner, the best thing to do is to own up to your mistake and apologize for it. Whether it’ll end things or bear you a second chance. 
There is an enormous amount of work that accompanies a sincere apology, so note that just one Apology letter will not get you off the hook.  

An apology is evident, but the words are sometimes evading the betrayal partner and the apology seems to be nil and void. 

Therefore I am helping you with a heartfelt apology letter with words that you find so hard to express. 

If you are a betrayed partner, needing the apology you never received, or trying to make sense of the soggy apology you got.  It is possible that your betrayal partner feels this way, but has no words to express what is rambling on the inside of them.  Read this letter for your own forgiveness.


I hope this helps with your road to recovery and that you will start to pray that God will break the chains that the enemy had locked around you.  

Spend some time reading these verses in the Bible about infidelity and adultery. 

I’m only giving you the verses and not the scriptures, because I want you to take action and dust off your Bible and search for it yourself: 

1Cor.6:9  |  Heb.13:4  |  Prov.2:16  |  Prov.7:1  |  Pro.6:24-26,32  |  Prov.5:3  |  Ex.20:14  |  Jer.3:8  |  Matt.5:28,32  |  Luke18:20  |  2Pet.2:14  |  Prov.9:13-18  |  Prov.22:14  |  Pro.30:20  |  Ezek.16:32  |  Ezek.23:45  | Rom.7:3

Rose in Book

Here is the Betrayal letter to help the betrayal partner say their apologies or this letter is for the betrayed partner, who never received a complete apology.

To my Betrayed Partner

I’ve never written or said anything like this to you before, because I just don’t know how to start. I don’t have the words floating so freely between all my feelings of guilt and condemnation and hurt.   Hurt? Yes, I said it – I know that this might sound arrogant, because who am I to claim hurt after everything I’ve done to you? But I do feel hurt. I am broken inside, just like you. I am broken because of my entire life, which made me turn out to be who I am today; I am hurt every single day, witnessing what I have done to you. I am hurt because I am the reason that your life is falling apart. I am the reason – and that hurts. (Although I deserve it)

When I realized what I have done, my eyes opened and I began to see everything the way God wants me to. After all, my entire life has 2 paths at the end, and no amount of earthly mistake is worth going to hell for. I know God said (Ex. 20:14) “You shall not commit adultery” and then He gave so many warnings in Pro. 5-7, that I overlooked, because, even I thought it would never happen to me. I was blind, but now I see.

If you cheat on someone who loves you with all of their heart, then you are not only thoughtless, you are also a fool. It says so in the Bible and it also says that I won’t inherit the Kingdom of God (1 Cor. 6:9) unless I repent. I am willing to do so today!

I see your hurt; I see your endurance, your love, your support, your caring and protective hands; I see why I chose you to be my partner in this life; I see what you deserve; I see your tears and how this broke you; I see how pure you are; I see the light, for the first time.

If God could sit next to you, He would tell you that He loves you more than anyone else on this earth. He would tell you that you are a child of the highest King. He will protect you, guide you and strengthen you. He would tell you that you are not a disappointment, that you are valuable and important in His eyes. Your value did not diminish because of what you had to go through. He would tell you that He has His arms around you, and you are safe with Him.

I do realize that you are now the main character in a story, which you did not audition for and certainly would not have taken, even if you were given a choice. I know that playing this part in our movie, left you feeling disrespected, discounted and overlooked. It left you with trauma and broken pieces that I was supposed to protect. No one deserves this hurt, and certainly not you of all people.

Your losses must feel incalculable and the losses just keep coming as time goes by and you count the losses as you realize new depths of all that has been taken from you. I know how you struggle on the bad days, but I want you to know that I am aware of your struggles on the good days too. It is heartbreaking to see how, just one thought or trigger or reminder, can even rob you from a perfectly great day. This has brought complete and utter devastation and chaos to your life and heart. I was so wrong to do what I did.

I am sorry for stealing your time, I know how valuable it is to you, and that you don’t deserve to be handled so profitless.

Every day you have to remind yourself to get back up and this is utterly exhausting for you. You have to fight the thoughts to get back up again and wondering if your broken heart will ever heal. You have to fight off the demon attacks, just because I opened the door for them to enter. You have to struggle to make life-changing decisions to stay or walk away. You did not have the opportunity to make your own decisions, it was taken from under you and you had to pick up the pieces of your heart.

You have to carry the heavy burden of betrayal and shame and a broken self-esteem. This has been overwhelmingly the worst thing you’ve ever had to endure.

I want to assure you, that nothing of this ridiculous betrayal was because of anything you did or didn’t do, nor was it about anything you were not. I take full responsibility for the defective decisions that I made. Those decisions were made from a broken place inside of me, that I so painstakingly want to overcome and work on. One small decision gave way to a gigantic ripple effect and you were caught in the middle of it, without warning. I tolerated all the demons and it took me down like a domino. None of this was ever your fault.

I am sorry! You deserve a million apologies. I am sorry for my destructive behaviour as I was trying to point all fingers away from myself in order to not take the blame. I am sorry for my unloving behaviour as I retreated into my virtual world of fakeness.

I am sorry for being so self-absorbed. Too proud to admit, but I was being narcissistic in all sense of the word. I had no empathy and all that mattered in my own life, was me! I am sickened by the influence it had on you as a human being. I fell for empty ridiculous words, because I was in desperate search for validation and affirmation, which I could get freely from you.

I am sorry for treating your love like a garbage bin, tossing aside everything that was genuine and true and loyal, for something so destructive and ugly and endorsed by Satan.

I gambled with sex that I misused as a currency, all the while disregarding the fact that it was sacred between the two of us and it was my job to protect it. I am sorry.

I am sorry for thoughtlessly giving myself to someone who didn’t deserve it or had any right to what was meant for only you. I am sorry for believing the lies they fed me and spitting it out to you when I got home, just to protect my shameful secrets.

For all of this, I apologize.

I am sorry, not only for what I have done, but also for the repercussions it has caused.

I am sorry for all the lies and refusal to accept responsibility for my actions; I am sorry for the neglect you experienced from me, the one person who was supposed to always be on your side. You had to survive on the other side of us, not knowing where I was.

I am sorry for my foolish attempts to manipulate you, just to be in control. I am sorry for the emotional abuse you had to go through; I am sorry for my defensiveness when all you needed was just answers, for drip-feeding you details, trying to cover my tracks. This only extended your recovery process and I was just ultimately keeping your recovery under a sledgehammer and blocking your growth.

I apologize for the blame that some have tried to put on you for what I did; you had to fight a battle that was not yours to fight in the first place; I am sorry for the isolation you felt since the day your life has been torn apart.

For my lack of empathy towards the feelings you were going through, because I have been more sorrowful for my own painful consequences than I have been for the pain I have caused you.

For putting you in a position of vulnerability and insecurity, even though you were born to stand out and live a purposeful life. I took your drive away from you and I selfishly shattered your goals with my hard-heartedness; For every time I let you set aside your dreams and visions and time and money and effort for my distorted trauma that I dragged you into. I apologize for the loss of your dreams of the future.

For my refusal to seek help from the church, Youtube videos, sessions or just sit with you in your time of pain.

For the traumatic nightmares and thoughts that intrude your peaceful moments and rip the scabs off your wounds; For the trauma and devastation inside, when you feel you don’t know your emotions anymore, just because you had to experience some that have never surfaced before.

I apologize.

I apologize for the impatience you’ve been shown for not getting over it; For the pressure you feel to forgive and forget for your own peace of mind and then blaming yourself when it doesn’t happen faster.

For so many other losses … your confidence, peace of mind, self-image, future plans, trust, sleep, health, time, productivity and focus, finances, emotions, your ability to celebrate and feel happiness, your spirit, hopes for the future, your faith in God, your faith in yourself and all those other losses you haven’t even realized yet.

I apologize

Book and Pencil

We need to learn to accept apologies that we never received.  Freedom is letting go of everything that keeps you locked up in yesterday.  Cutting the chain is to free yourself, not the other person. 
Do it for YOU!

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